I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Randomize
