Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
