i'm signing you up for texting rehab
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
