he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
