it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
