Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Alive.
So much puke
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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