There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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