It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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