It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
