Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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