You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
