i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize