VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
