It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Someone shattered a urinal.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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