nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
