3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
