Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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