yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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