i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
