rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
