Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
