Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Is it penis luge time yet?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
