Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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