wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
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