We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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