I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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