I cannot find my penis.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
