Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
