Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
