NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
