Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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