I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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