uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
