Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
from now on my penis is your penis
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
