I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
