my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
