His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
