so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
