we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
