So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
