The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
