i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
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And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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