I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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