I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
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Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
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IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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