Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
