We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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