My boss' voice literally gives me gas
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
