did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
