i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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