I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
