I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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