wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
