dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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