Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
