I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
