it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
