260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
