I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
