I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
