I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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