Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
