I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
This couple is walking their pig around campus
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
