Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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