Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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