But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
