You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
