i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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