So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
